How to help someone with OCD
by Katherine Pica LCSW
You’re frustrated.
Your family member keeps showing up late. They may constantly need reassurance to feel better. You start to wonder why they spend so much time in the bathroom. You see them doing the same things over and over again.
Then, it clicks.
You realize that they are not trying to frustrate you intentionally. This could be signs of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or OCD. You want to support and help them, so you probably are wondering ,‘What can I do to help?’
Here’s how you can help someone with OCD.
Educate Yourself
Whether your friend, family member, partner or coworker has OCD, educating yourself is the first step towards being able to help. Taking the time to learn more about OCD, the symptoms, and different types of OCD, and the type of OCD treatment available will put you in a better position to offer support and help along the way.
Don't offer Reassurance
Often a compulsion in OCD is seeking reassurance. While this may seem intuitive to provide reassurance that “everything will be ok” this will only temporarily hold off OCD and will actually serve to grow it over time. Let's look at an example of someone with Contamination OCD. Johnny asks his father, “ Are you sure that you did not touch something that could be contaminated or have germs on it.” If his father says “yes my hands are cleaned I did not touch anything with germs on it.” Then Johhny may feel temporary relief. But what is actually happening is that this is actually feeding and growing OCD. It is sending Johnny the message that everything will be ok if he can just make sure it does not have germs on it. Over time this will feed and grow compulsions. What would be better to say in this instance would be . “I don't know.” As an OCD therapist I encourage OCD sufferers to sit with and learn to be uncomfortable not knowing whether or not hands have germs on them. The healthiest responses to OCD can often seem counterintuitive. Of course we want our loved ones to feel better! The problem is feeling better in the very short term and actually making it a lot worse in the long run. With OCD treatment it can help clients learn that reassurance is actually not helpful and may only be help in the very short term. So for friends and family it it important to not to offer reassurance that will feed or grow OCD.
Help loved ones learn to embrace uncertainty
OCD is an uncertainty disorder. OCD wants to know all of the answers. The problem is that we can never be certain of ANYTHING in our lives!!! We can not be certain that we will be germ free and not be sick. No matter how much cleaning and decontaminating is done we can never be 100% sure. The BEST way to work against OCD and anxiety is learning to work towards accepting the fact that there is risk and uncertainty in our lives. I know this sounds weird and startling, why would I tell someone this ! Here the answer is that certainty is actually a lie, we can never be certain of anything in our lives. This is a very simple and yet very difficult concept and something we continually work on in OCD treatment. We work towards accepting that our life has risk which helps not feed OCD.
“Just trying not to think about it” does not work with OCD
It might feel tempting to tell your loved one Just try not to think about it. But here is the thing, If they could have stopped thinking about it they would have already. As an OCD therapist I hear this from OCD sufferers all the time. “If only I could just stop.” For someone who struggles with OCD this statement can be extremely frustrating to hear. Here is the thing, when anyone, OCD or not tries to stop thinking about something it actually is very hard.
Be Open, Honest, and Patient
Being open, honest, and patient are already great qualities of a friend. These qualities are even more necessary when it comes to OCD. Someone with OCD may have a hard time sharing their obsessions and compulsions due to fear and shame. They may feel a lot of guilt and even try to hide these thoughts and behaviors. If you’re willing and able to be open and honest with someone dealing with OCD, they are more likely to be open and honest with you.
Be patient with them and their feelings. You may not be able to relate directly to what they’re feeling, but you can offer support in other ways. Keep in mind that what they are experiencing is real to them. By being open, honest, and patient with them, you’ll be more accepting of them and what they choose to share with you.
Judgment-Free Zone
Everyone has good days and bad days. The same goes for someone who has OCD and even yourself. There are days when you may be more frustrated or annoyed than usual. Try not to judge those struggling with OCD. Trust is needed for anyone, especially someone dealing with OCD. By offering a judgment-free zone, your loved one will be able to open up to you and trust you with their struggles.
Look After Yourself
The best way to offer support and help to someone with OCD is to make sure you’re looking after yourself first. You know the saying “You can’t fill someone else’s cup if yours is already empty”.
Make sure you’re spending time on yourself. Taking care of your own mental, physical, and emotional health as well. Taking care of yourself will help you have the energy, time, and capacity to better support someone who may be struggling.
Reach out to an OCD therapist
Remind your friend, family member, or coworker that they’re not alone. You are there to support them to the best of your ability.
Encourage them to reach out for treatment with an OCD therapist. OCD Treatment can help them take back control of their lives in ways that you may not be able to help. A trained OCD therapist has the ability to understand OCD and offer the necessary support and guidance they need. When someone starts OCD treatment there is learning that takes place and they can learn what is needed to combat OCD so it will stop taking over their lives. Working with a trained OCD therapist can help get the support they need.
Even if they’ve tried treatment before and it hasn’t worked, don’t give up hope. If they are ready to take the first step in getting help with their OCD, please reach out so we can set up a free, 15-minute phone call today.
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About the Author: Katherine Pica- Compassionate, trained OCD and Anxiety Therapist - San Diego, CA
Katherine Pica is the owner and founder of Resilience counseling. She supervises all the therapists at Resilience Counseling. She has been practicing since 2007 for over 17 years! Trained in ERP for OCD. Katherine brings years of experience working with OCD to you and all the therapists at the clinic. The team is available in San Diego, CA for in person and all over California for virtual sessions
