When School Refusal Signals More Than Back to School Anxiety
As back-to-school season begins, it can bring up many feelings for kids , teens and even parents. One of these feelings might be anxiety. Maybe about the classroom, their peers, or being away from home. For some, this can last a short time as they get comfortable with their routine. For others, emotions around school can be so intense that it feels safer to stay home.
What is school refusal or school avoidance?
School refusal, or school avoidance, is a way to describe when a child is frequently unable to go to school because of distress. It is not a diagnosis, but a common pattern seen in certain kids and teens. On school days, your child might tell you they are not feeling well. They may have symptoms like stomachaches, fatigue, or dizziness that are not related to actual illness. These can appear regularly and may go away when they are allowed to stay home. Your child might also describe emotional symptoms like anxiety and fear. When talking about school, they may have a strong negative response and refuse your attempts at getting them to go.
What are some reasons kids are anxious at school?
Kids may not want to go to school for many different reasons. Some children feel anxious about being away from home. Some may worry about separating from their parents. Others may struggle with friendships, bullying, or feel left out. All of these can make the school environment overwhelming. Academic pressures can also play a role if a child feels behind in class or fears making mistakes. In some cases, sensory sensitivities or a crowded, noisy environment can add to the discomfort. For others, stressors like a recent change at home, move or family stress could be the cause. Understanding the underlying reasons is an important first step in supporting a child and helping them feel safe and capable of returning to school.
Could social anxiety be keeping my child from wanting to go to school?
Interactions with friends, classmates, and teachers can be very overwhelming for a child with social anxiety. The energy spent worrying about talking to peers can be time-consuming. They might plan out conversations or visualize themselves being made fun of. Since school is an environment that involves a lot of socializing, it can become a place your child avoids due to fear of social situations.
Sometimes bullying or teasing can be part of school anxiety
There might be classmates who bully or mistreat your child. This can range from minor comments to physical or emotional threats. Understandably, bullying can lead to intense fear and avoidance of the location where it takes place.
Can academic challenges cause anxiety?
Your child could be struggling with a certain subject or with keeping their grades up. Maybe they procrastinate or have a hard time using tools to stay on track. They could be lacking support in the classroom or at home. In some situations, their challenges may be related to a learning disorder.
Perfectionism and school anxiety
Maybe your child feels pressure to become a perfect student. This could be related to their own anxiety or expectations from peers. They might spend lots of extra time on assignments or school activities, which is often rewarded by good grades. However, keeping this up can be tiring and can lead to burn-out or not wanting to be at school at all. They may want to avoid any possibility of making mistakes.
Is your child struggling with Separation anxiety?
Being away from home can present its own challenges for kids with separation anxiety. It can be so distressing to be apart from family members, especially for full school days. Your child might view being at school as an impossibility, as it means they’ll feel intense fear when away from you.
Is fear of vomiting (emetophobia) causing School Anxiety for my child?
Emetophobia, the intense fear of vomiting, can be closely tied to school anxiety for some children. A student who struggles with this phobia may worry constantly about feeling sick at school, seeing someone else vomit, or not being near home if nausea comes up. These fears can create a cycle where the child avoids the cafeteria, skips breakfast, or refuses to ride the bus because they worry it might trigger stomach upset. Over time, the fear itself can cause physical symptoms like nausea or stomachaches, which only reinforce the child’s anxiety. This often leads to frequent school absences or resistance to attending altogether. Addressing both the underlying phobia and the related school anxiety is key in helping the child regain confidence and return to their routine. If your child is struggling with Emetophobia it is important to seek out specialized help.
Can school anxiety be caused by OCD?
Some children and teens may experience school anxiety that is closely tied to fears about their OCD. Worries about OCD intrusive thoughts, compulsions, contamination or losing control. This can create a sense of dread around the school day. A student might fear being unable to manage rituals in the classroom, being judged by others, or experiencing overwhelming anxiety without support. This can make school feel unsafe or unmanageable, fueling avoidance and heightening overall school anxiety.
How can I help my child with school anxiety?
When you talk to your child about their distress, it is important for them to know that you understand, yet also are motivated to get them back into the classroom. Acknowledging their struggles doesn’t give them freedom to stay home, it helps both of you come up with a plan so they can thrive as a student. Explain to them that attending school is necessary and remind them of positive things they can gain by going back.
Communicate with the school
Talking with faculty at your child’s school can give you ideas of which steps to take. Communicating with their teacher, principal, and counselors about the situation can keep them informed, especially early on. If school avoidance has to do with bullying, it can be very important to notify the school.
Start small
Going from spending weeks or months at home to spending full days at school can be overwhelming for your child. Think about ways that they can gradually approach their return. This could mean they start to go to bed and wake up at times that they normally would for school. You could help them create a morning routine where they get used to the anxiety that comes with getting ready. After focusing on this, you could encourage them to do half-days at school or make sure they at least get to campus for a certain class. Breaking things into steps can reduce pressure and help your child learn that they can handle the anxiety.
How to manage set-backs with your child?
Within the process of getting your child back to school, there might be set-backs. Make sure your child knows you are there for them not only when they make progress, but also when they fall behind. Try not to accommodate them or allow them to stay home. Be flexible when issues arise, without falling into old patterns.
When should you seek treatment for school anxiety for your child?
Anxiety treatment may be necessary when despite your efforts, your child is not making progress. Maybe the reason they are avoiding schools needs more attention. It could be causing them higher-level distress than can be managed on their own. Your child might need anxiety therapy to target the core issues, whether that be heightened social anxiety, emetophobia, separation anxiety, or something else.
How can treatment for school refusal help?
Working with an anxiety therapist to narrow down your child’s reasons for school refusal can help you figure out next steps. The therapist will likely be able to give your child tools to manage their difficult emotions and school-related fears. This could mean doing small exposures, challenging negative thoughts, or finding ways to relax. Your therapist may also help guide you and other family members in how to better manage your child’s symptoms. Parent-training skills can be useful in teaching ways to communicate without accommodating your child.
Oftentimes, once a child learns that avoidance does not have to be the only way to handle their distress, the steps to return to school become easier. Making progress can be challenging, but with the right support, your child can be in a better position to thrive.
Therapy for anxiety and school refusal in San Diego, CA
At Resilience Counseling, we specialize in treating high-level anxiety, including school refusal, OCD, emetophobia. We understand how school avoidance can create significant challenges in your family. We specialize in therapy for kids and we are here to help you and your child work as a team to get back on track. Our Anxiety & OCD therapists use a collaborative, compassionate approach to help people reconnect with their values and use tools to manage challenging emotions. We have helped so many families work through school refusal and get back on track. We are here to help you. If you are ready to take the first step, contact us today!
Resilience Counseling- San Diego, CA
Resilience Counseling is a San Diego–based practice dedicated to helping children, teens, adults, and families overcome anxiety, school anxiety, emetophobia, OCD, and trauma with evidence-based care. Our OCD therapist team is trained in proven approaches like ERP therapy, CBT, and EMDR to provide effective, compassionate treatment tailored to each individual. We believe that healing begins in a supportive environment where clients feel understood and empowered. At Resilience Counseling, we don’t just focus on symptoms—we help people build lasting skills so they can move forward with confidence and ease in daily life.
School Anxiety & OCD treatment
San Diego, CA
Disclaimer : The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional and or medical advice, diagnosis, and or treatment. It is important to always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a mental health and/or medical condition. Never disregard any professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Resilience Counseling website. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately.
