Child Separation Anxiety: What it is and How to Cope
By : Katherine Pica LCSW
Most parents have experienced the challenging moments when their child becomes clingy, sobbing uncontrollably as they attempt to get out the door. These moments can feel heartbreaking and overwhelming, especially when you are unsure whether this reaction is typical or a sign of something more. Separation anxiety is a common developmental phase that many children go through. Separation anxiety is a common developmental phase that many children experience between 18 months and three years old. It’s normal for toddlers to feel anxious when a parent leaves the room or goes out of sight. Typically, these feelings can be alleviated through distraction or engagement in a new environment, such as daycare or preschool.
However, if your child exhibits prolonged distress or an inability to separate from family members, it may indicate separation anxiety disorder. This condition affects approximately 4% of children, with peak prevalence between ages seven and nine.
What are the symptoms of Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety disorder manifests as excessive anxiety when away from home or separated from parents or caregivers. Symptoms include:
Extreme homesickness
Refusal to attend school, camp, or sleepovers
Demanding constant companionship, especially at bedtime
Persistent worry about losing a loved one
Intense distress
If these behaviors persist and interfere with daily life, it’s beneficial to seek professional guidance to develop coping strategies for you and your child.
Is child separation anxiety normal?
Separation anxiety is a normal part of child development, typically emerging around 7 months and peaking between 18 months and 3 years. It occurs when a child becomes temporarily distressed at being separated from their primary caregiver. This anxiety is your child’s way of expressing fear and seeking comfort in an unfamiliar world.
Separation anxiety can become a concern when a child’s distress around being apart feels big, constant, and hard to soothe. If intense worry continues past the early childhood years and does not improve with reassurance or time, it may be a sign that the anxiety is no longer developmentally normal. This might show up as ongoing school refusal, frequent tears or panic during goodbyes, difficulty sleeping alone or repeated fears that something bad will happen to a caregiver when they are apart.
Many families notice that the anxiety starts to affect everyday life. Some children complain of stomachaches or headaches before separations, while others feel unable to be alone even briefly. Parents often find themselves changing routines, staying close, or offering constant reassurance in an effort to help their child feel better. While these responses come from a place of care, they can actually grow the child’s anxiety.
Balancing Validation and Encouragement
As a parent, it’s important to balance validating your child’s feelings and encouraging independence. While it may be tempting to avoid separations altogether, this approach can hinder your child’s emotional growth. Instead, try these strategies:
Reassure your child with phrases like “I know you can do this!”
Create consistent goodbye routines to build predictability
Practice short separations to help your child adjust gradually
Remain calm and positive during departures to model confidence
Stay consistent in drop-offs and bedtimes!
Remember, most children navigate through separation anxiety successfully. By providing a supportive environment and gentle encouragement, you can help your child develop the resilience to easily handle brief separations.
When Anxiety Persists
For some children, separation anxiety can develop into Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD). This condition manifests as intense distress upon separation or anticipation of separation from caregivers. Symptoms may include excessive crying, difficulty sleeping alone, and concerns about harm befalling the caregiver or child. Physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches are also common. SAD can significantly impair a child’s ability to fully engage in age-appropriate activities, such as attending school or interacting with peers.
Practical Strategies for Parents and Caregivers
To help children cope with separation anxiety, parents can employ several strategies. Consistently communicating the message, “I love you, and I know you can handle this,” is crucial in building confidence. Practicing slight separations, like sending your child to retrieve pajamas while you wait nearby, can gradually increase their comfort with independence. It’s essential to acknowledge and praise your child’s bravery during these exercises, reinforcing their ability to manage separations successfully.
As you navigate the challenges of child separation anxiety, remember that your patience and understanding are crucial. You can help your child build confidence and resilience by implementing the strategies discussed. Consistency in your approach is vital for learning. While the process may be gradual, each small step forward is a victory. Trust in your parenting instincts, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. With time and effort, you and your child can overcome separation anxiety together preparing them for a more independent future!
What type of therapy is best for separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety often puts parents in a difficult position. You want to help your child and, yet the more you try to protect them from anxiety, the bigger it can seem to grow. The SPACE approach can be especially helpful because it focuses on what parents can do differently to support their child without reinforcing fear. Rather than asking a child to push through separation before they are ready, SPACE therapy helps caregivers respond with calm confidence and reduce negative patterns.
With separation anxiety, parents often find themselves staying close, answering repeated reassurance questions, or adjusting routines to prevent distress. In the moment, these responses can feel helpful and calming. Over time, however, they reinforce the belief that separation is not safe. The SPACE approach helps parents gradually reduce these accommodations while maintaining warmth, empathy, and connection. Parents practice communicating confidence in their child’s ability to cope, even when anxiety is present.
Separation anxiety therapy, San Diego, CA
At Resilience Counseling, we have therapists trained in separation anxiety and the SPACE approach who work closely with children and families navigating separation anxiety. We take time to understand each child’s experience and support parents in responding in ways that promote long-term confidence rather than short-term relief. Our goal is not just to reduce anxiety symptoms, but to help children and families build resilience. With the right support, children can develop emotional flexibility and confidence that carries them through future challenges. If separation anxiety is impacting your child or your family, early support can make a meaningful difference reach out to us today!
Author Bio: Katherine Pica OCD Therapist - San Diego, CA
Katherine Pica, LCSW is the owner and clinical director of Resilience Counseling. She supervises all the therapists at Resilience Counseling. She has been practicing since 2007 for over 19 years! Trained in ERP for OCD and EMDR for Trauma. Katherine brings years of experience to her OCD & Anxiety therapist team! Available in San Diego, CA, for in-person sessions and all over California for virtual therapy.
Child Anxiety & OCD therapy - we also treat:
Disclaimer: The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional and or medical advice, diagnosis, and or treatment. It is important to always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a mental health and/or medical condition. Never disregard any professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on the Resilience Counseling website. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 or local emergency number immediately.
